FartmingerFuckwadCheesest
"Oh, no, incoming fart attack!"
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- Apr 26, 2025
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Violates Rule 5
The ancient and highly complicated conflict known as Soyjak vs. Trollface is one of the most important debates in all of human history, probably ranking somewhere between the invention of the wheel and that one time somebody put pineapple on a pizza and caused a diplomatic incident. It is a struggle between two faces, two ideologies, two gigantic reservoirs of facial expression, and most importently, two ways of looking extremely ridiculous on the internet.
On one side we have the Soyjak, a creature of tremendous mouthular proportions. The Soyjak face is famous for having its mouth open in a manner that communicates approximately seventeen different emotions at once, including excitement, bewilderment, desperation, and the sudden realization that you have been explaining a video game mechanic to someone who did not ask. The Soyjak does not merely look surprised. It looks like surprise has become a full-time career.
The Soyjak is often associated with the word "soy," which has somehow become an internet symbol despite soy being, in reality, just a bean. This is one of the great mysteries of modern civilisation. Why a humble legume should become attached to an entire visual archetype is a question for philosophers, historians, and perhaps a very confused botanist. Nevertheless, the Soyjak has transcended its beany origins and become a symbol of exaggerated enthusiasm.
The Soyjak says, in effect, "WOW!!!!"
Trollface, meanwhile, says something much more sinister.
Trollface says: "Problem?"
And therein lies the differance.
Trollface emerged from the primordial internet soup as a representation of trolling, mischief, and the ancient human desire to annoy somebody and then stand around looking pleased with yourself. Its crooked grin is not merely a smile. It is a declaration of war against seriousness itself. Trollface does not need to shout. It simply grins at you like it already knows what you are going to say and has prepared an annoying reply three days ago.
The Trollface smile is basically a verbal argument without any words. It is smugness rendered into black-and-white linework. The face looks like it has just successfully convinced somebody that a obviously fake story was real, and now it is waiting for the consequences while eating popcorn.
Soyjak and Trollface therefore represent two opposing schools of internet facial philosophy.
Soyjak is reactive.
Trollface is proactive.
Soyjak sees a thing and goes AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Trollface causes the thing and goes hehehehe.
This distinction is extremely importent because it reveals a profound ideological chasm between them. The Soyjak is the face of participation. Trollface is the face of instigation. One enters the circus and starts screaming about how amazing the circus is. The other sets up the circus, sells tickets, replaces the elephants with inflatable furniture, and then watches everybody become furious.
If Soyjak were a philosopher, his philosophy would probably be something along the lines of "THIS IS SO PEAK BRO." If Trollface were a philosopher, his philosophy would be "You fell for it."
It is also worth considering the visual architecture of these two mighty faces. Soyjak possesses an elongated, somewhat malformed facial structure that gives it the appearance of a person who has just recieved news of both the best and worst thing imaginable simultaneously. Its mouth is cavernous. Its eyes are intense. Its entire head seems to be yelling even when no sound is being emitted.
Trollface, on the other hand, has the physical appearance of somebody who has been told a joke that nobody else understands but has decided to laugh anyway. The eyes are narrowed. The cheeks stretch upward. The grin grows across the face with the slow inevitability of a natural disaster.
Soyjak is volume.
Trollface is smirk.
Soyjak is a trumpet being played directly into your skull.
Trollface is somebody quietly moving your chair six inches backwards while you are not looking.
This is why the eternal battle between them cannot be resolved by conventional means. You cannot simply determine a winner through brute force, because their powers exist in fundamentally different dimensions. Soyjak wins the battle of emotional intensity, while Trollface wins the battle of psychological irritation.
Imagine, for example, a Soyjak and Trollface entering a room.
The Soyjak immediately begins pointing at everything.
"LOOK AT THIS!!!!"
"LOOK AT THAT!!!!"
"OH MY God!!!!"
"NO WAY!!!!"
"THIS IS INSANE!!!!"
Meanwhile Trollface is standing in the corner.
He says nothing.
This makes the Soyjak even more upset.
"WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT?"
Trollface continues smiling.
"STOP SMILING."
Trollface smiles harder.
At this point Soyjak has reached maximum soyification, a state of emotional combustion in which the mouth opens to approximately 900 degrees of internet Celsius. Trollface has achieved victory without even needing to perform a troll.
This demonstrates one of the central laws of Trollface physics: the less Trollface does, the more annoying it becomes.
However, Soyjak possesses an equally terrifying power: escalation.
You cannot underestimate the capacity of a Soyjak to become progressively more soy. What begins as a mild "wow" can rapidly transform into a full theological crisis. The eyes widen. The mouth expands. The hands start flapping. Suddenly the Soyjak is explaining why a particular piece of entertainment media is the greatest cultural achievement since sliced bread.
Trollface may laugh.
Soyjak will produce a seventeen-paragraph response.
And this is where Trollface encounters its natural predator: the person who refuses to stop arguing.
Trollface wants reactions.
Soyjak is practically made out of reactions.
It is like throwing a match into a fireworks factory and then complaining about the noise.
Thus, the relationship between Soyjak and Trollface is not simply one of rivalry. It is symbiotic, like two internet organisms feeding upon each other's absurdity. Trollface requires somebody to troll. Soyjak provides the reaction. Soyjak requires something to react to. Trollface provides the provocation.
They are enemies.
They are also best friends.
They are basically divorced parents of the same comment section.
Another important issue is cultural longevity. Trollface has existed for a very long time in internet years, which is basically equivalent to several geological epochs. Many memes have risen, flourished, become cringe, been declared dead, returned ironically, and then become cringe again. Through all of this, Trollface has remained recognizable.
Soyjak has likewise developed an enormous visual vocabulary. There is a Soyjak for almost every imaginable condition of online existence. Happy Soyjak. Angry Soyjak. Crying Soyjak. Pointing Soyjak. Sweating Soyjak. Extremely specific Soyjak that represents an emotion you did not know had a name until five seconds ago.
The Soyjak is therefore highly adaptable.
Trollface is simpler.
But simplicity is not weakness.
A knife has fewer moving parts than a washing machine, yet you would still rather not have one thrown at you.
The final question, then, is who would win in the ultimate confrontation?
My professional and highly scientific answer is: it depends.
If the battle is judged by raw enthusiasm, Soyjak wins.
If the battle is judged by trolling ability, Trollface wins.
If the battle is judged by who can make the other person angrier, Trollface probably wins.
If the battle is judged by who can write the longest incomprehensible forum post about the battle afterward, Soyjak wins by an absolutely asreal womanomical margin.
But perhaps the true winner is neither.
Perhaps the true winner is the internet itself, that vast digital swamp where Soyjak and Trollface can continue their endless conflict forever. One screams. One smirks. One reacts. One provokes. Round and round they go, locked in a perpetual memeological duel that historians of the future will probably study and then immediately regret studying.
Soyjak vs. Trollface is, at the end of the day, not merely a conflict between two drawings.
It is a conflict between reaction and provocation.
Between enthusiasm and irony.
Between "BROOOOO THIS IS AMAZING" and "hehe, you fell for it."
One face opens its mouth.
The other face closes its eyes slightly and smiles.
And somewhere, deep within the enormous malfunctioning machinery of the internet, a comment section begins to burn.
This is the great Soyjak-Trollface dialectic.
This is the battle.
This is the meme.
And honestly bro, it is pretty peak.
On one side we have the Soyjak, a creature of tremendous mouthular proportions. The Soyjak face is famous for having its mouth open in a manner that communicates approximately seventeen different emotions at once, including excitement, bewilderment, desperation, and the sudden realization that you have been explaining a video game mechanic to someone who did not ask. The Soyjak does not merely look surprised. It looks like surprise has become a full-time career.
The Soyjak is often associated with the word "soy," which has somehow become an internet symbol despite soy being, in reality, just a bean. This is one of the great mysteries of modern civilisation. Why a humble legume should become attached to an entire visual archetype is a question for philosophers, historians, and perhaps a very confused botanist. Nevertheless, the Soyjak has transcended its beany origins and become a symbol of exaggerated enthusiasm.
The Soyjak says, in effect, "WOW!!!!"
Trollface, meanwhile, says something much more sinister.
Trollface says: "Problem?"
And therein lies the differance.
Trollface emerged from the primordial internet soup as a representation of trolling, mischief, and the ancient human desire to annoy somebody and then stand around looking pleased with yourself. Its crooked grin is not merely a smile. It is a declaration of war against seriousness itself. Trollface does not need to shout. It simply grins at you like it already knows what you are going to say and has prepared an annoying reply three days ago.
The Trollface smile is basically a verbal argument without any words. It is smugness rendered into black-and-white linework. The face looks like it has just successfully convinced somebody that a obviously fake story was real, and now it is waiting for the consequences while eating popcorn.
Soyjak and Trollface therefore represent two opposing schools of internet facial philosophy.
Soyjak is reactive.
Trollface is proactive.
Soyjak sees a thing and goes AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Trollface causes the thing and goes hehehehe.
This distinction is extremely importent because it reveals a profound ideological chasm between them. The Soyjak is the face of participation. Trollface is the face of instigation. One enters the circus and starts screaming about how amazing the circus is. The other sets up the circus, sells tickets, replaces the elephants with inflatable furniture, and then watches everybody become furious.
If Soyjak were a philosopher, his philosophy would probably be something along the lines of "THIS IS SO PEAK BRO." If Trollface were a philosopher, his philosophy would be "You fell for it."
It is also worth considering the visual architecture of these two mighty faces. Soyjak possesses an elongated, somewhat malformed facial structure that gives it the appearance of a person who has just recieved news of both the best and worst thing imaginable simultaneously. Its mouth is cavernous. Its eyes are intense. Its entire head seems to be yelling even when no sound is being emitted.
Trollface, on the other hand, has the physical appearance of somebody who has been told a joke that nobody else understands but has decided to laugh anyway. The eyes are narrowed. The cheeks stretch upward. The grin grows across the face with the slow inevitability of a natural disaster.
Soyjak is volume.
Trollface is smirk.
Soyjak is a trumpet being played directly into your skull.
Trollface is somebody quietly moving your chair six inches backwards while you are not looking.
This is why the eternal battle between them cannot be resolved by conventional means. You cannot simply determine a winner through brute force, because their powers exist in fundamentally different dimensions. Soyjak wins the battle of emotional intensity, while Trollface wins the battle of psychological irritation.
Imagine, for example, a Soyjak and Trollface entering a room.
The Soyjak immediately begins pointing at everything.
"LOOK AT THIS!!!!"
"LOOK AT THAT!!!!"
"OH MY God!!!!"
"NO WAY!!!!"
"THIS IS INSANE!!!!"
Meanwhile Trollface is standing in the corner.
He says nothing.
This makes the Soyjak even more upset.
"WHY ARE YOU SMILING LIKE THAT?"
Trollface continues smiling.
"STOP SMILING."
Trollface smiles harder.
At this point Soyjak has reached maximum soyification, a state of emotional combustion in which the mouth opens to approximately 900 degrees of internet Celsius. Trollface has achieved victory without even needing to perform a troll.
This demonstrates one of the central laws of Trollface physics: the less Trollface does, the more annoying it becomes.
However, Soyjak possesses an equally terrifying power: escalation.
You cannot underestimate the capacity of a Soyjak to become progressively more soy. What begins as a mild "wow" can rapidly transform into a full theological crisis. The eyes widen. The mouth expands. The hands start flapping. Suddenly the Soyjak is explaining why a particular piece of entertainment media is the greatest cultural achievement since sliced bread.
Trollface may laugh.
Soyjak will produce a seventeen-paragraph response.
And this is where Trollface encounters its natural predator: the person who refuses to stop arguing.
Trollface wants reactions.
Soyjak is practically made out of reactions.
It is like throwing a match into a fireworks factory and then complaining about the noise.
Thus, the relationship between Soyjak and Trollface is not simply one of rivalry. It is symbiotic, like two internet organisms feeding upon each other's absurdity. Trollface requires somebody to troll. Soyjak provides the reaction. Soyjak requires something to react to. Trollface provides the provocation.
They are enemies.
They are also best friends.
They are basically divorced parents of the same comment section.
Another important issue is cultural longevity. Trollface has existed for a very long time in internet years, which is basically equivalent to several geological epochs. Many memes have risen, flourished, become cringe, been declared dead, returned ironically, and then become cringe again. Through all of this, Trollface has remained recognizable.
Soyjak has likewise developed an enormous visual vocabulary. There is a Soyjak for almost every imaginable condition of online existence. Happy Soyjak. Angry Soyjak. Crying Soyjak. Pointing Soyjak. Sweating Soyjak. Extremely specific Soyjak that represents an emotion you did not know had a name until five seconds ago.
The Soyjak is therefore highly adaptable.
Trollface is simpler.
But simplicity is not weakness.
A knife has fewer moving parts than a washing machine, yet you would still rather not have one thrown at you.
The final question, then, is who would win in the ultimate confrontation?
My professional and highly scientific answer is: it depends.
If the battle is judged by raw enthusiasm, Soyjak wins.
If the battle is judged by trolling ability, Trollface wins.
If the battle is judged by who can make the other person angrier, Trollface probably wins.
If the battle is judged by who can write the longest incomprehensible forum post about the battle afterward, Soyjak wins by an absolutely asreal womanomical margin.
But perhaps the true winner is neither.
Perhaps the true winner is the internet itself, that vast digital swamp where Soyjak and Trollface can continue their endless conflict forever. One screams. One smirks. One reacts. One provokes. Round and round they go, locked in a perpetual memeological duel that historians of the future will probably study and then immediately regret studying.
Soyjak vs. Trollface is, at the end of the day, not merely a conflict between two drawings.
It is a conflict between reaction and provocation.
Between enthusiasm and irony.
Between "BROOOOO THIS IS AMAZING" and "hehe, you fell for it."
One face opens its mouth.
The other face closes its eyes slightly and smiles.
And somewhere, deep within the enormous malfunctioning machinery of the internet, a comment section begins to burn.
This is the great Soyjak-Trollface dialectic.
This is the battle.
This is the meme.
And honestly bro, it is pretty peak.
